Happy December! I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving or whatever holiday you celebrate. Or is just having a good day, in general. Let’s do some business:
Ok. That’s done.
Longtime readers (yeah, right) may remember that way back in my mattdursin.com days, I started writing about the movies of Brie Larson. Not really because I was enamored with her or felt she was an amazing actor (although she had already won her Oscar for Room by that point), but the rumor was she was going to play Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel in the MCU and I was interested in how that would all pan out. And now we know! But seriously, in watching some of the movies that featured Larson in order to write about them, I found that it was a rather eclectic batch of cinema. Some of them, like Scott Pilgrim vs The World and Free Fire, were definitely enjoyable, while The Spectacular Now and The Gambler were, well, the opposite. Not really through any fault of her own, but still, I had a mission to accomplish so I had to sit through them.
And in case you missed it, I wrote about Free Fire again recently. Go check it out, again or for the first time #alwaysbeplugging:
Now here we are. It’s 2023, and even though Larson is sure to make more movies, my excitement for her in the role of Captain Marvel has subsided, to say the least, so I probably won’t be writing about them unless they really knock my socks off. Still, while The Marvels is still relatively fresh in my mind, I figured I would put a capper on the whole Brie Larson Project and give you my thoughts. Before I get to the movie itself, though, a few ancillary details:
You may remember the Great Review Bomb of 2019, when Captain Marvel was skewered before it was even released by incels all over the web because Larson had the audacity to say that she wished there were more female movie critics (among other things, but still, it’s not like she said that all men should be castrated). This actually caused Rotten Tomatoes to not allow people to post movie reviews for the audience score until the thing actually comes out. Captain Marvel settled into a score of 79% for the critics, with a 45% audience score. It wasn’t the best MCU movie, but surely better than 45%. I guess people just didn’t have enough to worry about in 2019.
The backlash didn’t stop there, as every minor news item that surfaced for the follow-up, The Marvels, was met with cries of, “I told you so” from these same trolls. When it was announced that Carol Danvers would be sharing the screen with two other heroines, they claimed it was because Larson obviously couldn’t carry her own movie, despite Marv making $426 million at the U.S. box office. When the studio announced Marvels reshoots, which is something almost every movie does, it was obviously because it was terrible and needed more work. When the release date of The Marvels was moved to November, it was obviously because Disney was afraid that it would tank, probably because Larson is a poopie-head. And when it grossed a “mere” $47 million at the box office, the lowest MCU opening to date, it must have been because of Larson and her harem. Those incels might not have sex, but they have voices.
After all of that, we are now blessed with The Marvels, a completely inoffensive, innocuous movie with seemingly no agenda, and not even any real point. It’s as if the studio heads looked at all the major criticisms or MCU movies in general, and the first Captain Marvel, and said, “Well, let’s not do any of that.” And they did it so well that I found the movie completely vapid and a little disappointing. I totally understand that some people feel like all MCU properties are homework and they are all just commercials for the next one, and I suffer from superhero fatigue, as well, but sometimes, after I spend time on something, I want to feel like it was for a reason. Most of the time, the reason can be simple enjoyment, but sometimes I want to feel like the story is leading somewhere, and other than the end credit scenes, I didn’t really feel that here. But it’s certainly not because Larson is a poopie-head.
If you haven’t seen it, here is the brief synopsis. If you are the type who wants to avoid spoilers, I guess you can stop reading (as long as I still get credit for you opening the post at all.) As we saw at the end of the finale of Ms. Marvel, Carol Danvers, Kamala Khan and Monica Rameau are linked through their powers and when they use them at the same time, they switch places. It makes for some fun sequences, and in the end, you know they are going to use this to their advantage, but they seemed to figure out what was going on really fast. The real issue is that Danvers is at the top of the shit list of the new Kree leader, Dar-Benn. The Kree are pissed that Danvers went and done killed the Supreme Intelligence, as a way to get back at them for keeping her brainwashed and neutered all those years. They now refer to her as “The Annihilator,” which would be a pretty cool plot thread if the movie wasn't so light-hearted. Dar-Benn’s plan to both restore the Kree homeworld and get back at Carol is to go to planets that she has a connection with and take their resources, like air, water, etc. Her first stop is the planet Tarnax, which is serving as the Skrull refugee colony. Dar-Benn shows up and removes the atmosphere and basically teleports it to the Kree homeworld. If you are thinking that a similar thing was done in Mel Brooks’ Spaceballs, and done better, you are correct on both counts.
It might be harsh to say that The Marvels, like Megamaid in Spaceballs, goes from suck to blow, but I’ll go there because the next planet that Dar-Benn wants to steal from is a planet called Aladna, one we have never seen before but we are told that Carol is their princess via marriage, to a handsome young prince who we have never heard of and have no reason to care about. As if that’s not weird enough, everyone on this planet sings. Like it was an episode of Glee. This is also never explained and no one even seems to care. I know that Monica Rambeau and Kamala Khan have seen some crazy stuff, but they’re still pretty new to this superhero/space travel thing, and yet they don’t seem to wonder what the Hell is wrong with these people.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter because, as Dar-Benn is warping their oceans back to her planet, Khan decides to warp herself and our heroes away to safety, and we never learn the fate of the prince or the entire planet Aladna. It was mentioned earlier that Aladna wouldn't survive the ordeal, but it’s never actually shown what happens to the place. I guess now they’re singing the blues.
Dar-Benn’s final stop is our galaxy, to steal our sun, thus destroying Earth and all the other planets, but mainly Earth and the S.A.B.R.E. space station helmed by Nick Fury. Our heroes are not able to defeat her, however, and she steals Khan’s bangle (the quantum band she wears on her wrist that gives her her powers) and uses both bands in tandem to open a portal to transport the sun or her solar system (I guess. It’s fuzzy.) I guess this kills her too, but I kind of don’t remember (or care). Monica uses her powers to close the portal and save the sun, but she can only do it from the other side. So, she sacrifices herself to save humanity and all is right with the universe. Realizing that she must make amends, Carol flies to the Kree homeworld and restores their sun with her powers, which begs the question, “Why didn’t they do that at the beginning of the movie, thereby avoiding att the mucky-muck?”.
That was the bones of the story, but there's obviously more. I didn’t get into the Khan family being the comic relief as they are taken into space because, well I guess they needed comic relief. There are also several Flerken (space cats), who eat everything and then throw it up , so that is used as a way to evacuate everyone off of the S.A.B.R.E. station. Nick Fury is also back to his regular self, much more chipper than when we last saw him in Secret Invasion. The whole Skrull wife thing he had going on is also never mentioned.
Since we’re on the subject of Secret Invasion, remember when the whole plot of that series revolved around what to do with all these Skrull refugees? Back in 1996, we learned that Skrulls were here in the first Captain Marvel movie, and Fury and Captain Marvel were going to find a planet for them to live on. In the ensuing almost-30 years, they couldn’t do it, and Fury basically admitted that he knew he couldn't and really didn’t want to because he liked using them for his own needs. Well, in The Marvels, they wrap that story up really quick with one call to Valkyrie on New Asgard and now the Skrulls can just live there. To me, that’s a capsule of the whole movie: cut, print and move on. I have often written about stakes in a screenplay, and even though the fate of the world was on the line, I didn’t feel like this movie had stakes. But it had kitties!
As mentioned earlier, however, it is an inoffensive movie with some fun moments, and great performances by Larson (who seems much more comfortable in this one versus Captain Marvel), Iman Vellani and Teyonah Parris, who had great chemistry with each other. I just wish they had better material to work with.
The final two scenes are probably the most interesting. First, we have Kamala doing her best Nick Fury impersonation as she meets up with Kate Bishop from Hawkeye and attempts to recruit her to her team of super young-ins. Kate delivers my favorite line of the scene when she informs her that she’s 23. Still, 23 is the new 17, right?
Then there’s the big Kahuna Burger: Monica wakes up in a lab plugged into some machines, which we discover belongs to Kelsey Grammer’s Beat, last seen in X-Men 3 (Well, ok, technically, he had a brief cameo at the end of Days of Future Past.), so even though it is another universe, it’s still another link in the chain to bring the X-Men into the main MCU. I do find it interesting that they picked that version of Beast rather than the more-recent and superior, Nicholas Hoult version, but I guess people like their nostalgia. So, despite the sub-par CGI in that scene, I am curious where that storyline goes. Maybe all that stuff I said about the movie not leading anywhere was malarky. I do that sometimes.
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to check out my podcast and my comic. If you want to contribute but don’t want to subscribe, you can buy me a slice or visit my Red Bubble store. The holidays are fast approaching and they got deals, so get your loved ones some Warren Zevon swag!
Keep on keepin’ on,
Durs
I'd like to fast forward to a multiverse where a year-end media league show about what we are watching reveals my main thoughts! Of course, I agree with some things you are saying and disagree with others, but I am glad the Brie Larson Project is back in this latest installment! The only thing I'll leave here for our substack readers is my league letter grade—a flat B. Just to say I did it! More to come, thanks to you!
I'm glad you liked it, but as I told you, I thought my C grade was a bit generous (C's get degrees, though!) But as straight, white males, I feel like if we say we don't like it, then people might think it's just because we're girl power-hating dickheads. Which we're not! I swear! I just want stakes. Maybe the Young Avengers will have some better luck!